Cain Dover

MAN ON PURPOSE CO-FOUNDER / REAL ESTATE AGENT.

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Most Challenging Moments:

When I was in primary school. I was notoriously picked on by other kids for no reason at all, and I had no friends. I would spend my lunch time hiding away or I would hang with my sister who is a few years younger than me. I would cry myself to sleep almost every night. My mum was my safe space then.

I remember one kid coming over to play with me and he said, “I’m only friends with you because your family has a farm.” In my mind then, having a farm equals having friends. I was finding validation through others.

Another challenging moment came to mind — In 2018, I was living in Los Angeles, California. In a matter of just a week that year, so many things happened that shook me up. The company I was working for filed for bankruptcy. Thereafter, I lost my visa. My girlfriend of two years who I thought I was going to marry broke up with me. I ended up drinking a lot and decided to fly back to Australia. The morning I was flying home, my dad who has been battling cancer for a couple of years passed away.

I lost so much of my status and my ego had taken a huge hit. I’ve hit rock bottom at that time.

I decided to step away from the situation and give back to other people instead. I went to Outback Australia and I started working with kids and adults with mental health disability. As I’m learning about the trauma of other people, I’ve also unlocked lessons within myself too.

I realised that I actually have personal trauma based on the relationship I have with my dad growing up, coupled with my own self-limiting beliefs. I realised that I have problems receiving and giving love. That started my whole journey of working on myself.

LEARNINGS:

In his book, ‘Dreaming Through Darkness,’ Charlie Morley talks about the fact that the most challenging things in your life oftentimes turn into some of the best learnings and experiences. If those moments didn’t happen to me in the past, I wouldn’t be here where I am now. It gave me an opportunity to reflect on who I was. And I didn’t enjoy who I was: someone who didn’t have an identity and purpose.

It gave me the ability to learn, grow and be of service to others.

It took me many, many years to understand that what I was actually looking for outside of myself was all within me.

Daily Self-Care:

Every morning, I follow a routine: drink my coffee, prepare my breakfast, consciously not check my phone until my morning routine is done, and start writing in my journal. I write a gratitude list, my goals, and my to-do lists for the day.

Outside of this, I do ice baths, breathwork, and meditation.

Message To Younger Self:

I’ll give my younger self a hug especially when he needed it the most; during that time when he was struggling to have friends. I’ll let him know that everything’s going to be okay.

Having family, friends, and a good community around you will make the good times more enjoyable, and the hard times less painful. Do your best to find those good people —  and know that they are out there. You don’t have to change yourself into something that you are not. You are loved and you are enough.

About Man on Purpose (www.manonpurpose.com.au):

Creating a safe space for everyone to start or continue their inner healing journeys through guided meditation, breathwork, ice baths and human connections.